Friday, October 30, 2009

I can't be perfect Lord, please consider picking up my slack... again

I spoke with my mom over the phone a while ago. I was telling her that I have been bummed lately and I haven't gone to confession for three weeks. I have been too grouchy and upset to go, sometimes I just can't go. I'm too angry with myself and with my sins. Sins that I just can't seem to let go of. I keep thinking about how I must have disappointed Christ and I think about the people whom I have hurt with my words, or by my actions. Mom asked me, "why do you loathe yourself so much?" I said I don't know. I really hate myself when I fall or fail. Then she said , "if I was your age, I would want to be friends with you, your a wonderful person", and I thought to myself that's the nicest thing that my Mom's ever said to me. She had said some other nice things too , but I sorta zoned out at that point because I was thinking.

When my brother and parents became Catholic it was like a dark cloud had been lifted from our family , sure we still have issues , but it's cool to watch their transformation.... from darkness to light. Did you notice how I changed the subject?

*Disclaimer, Dear Protestants, you must have missed the memo about not saying or singing the name of God anymore. It's disrespectful , but don't worry we're still singing all of your other songs at Mass and I do love this song.

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