Sunday, April 17, 2011

SUBJECT: Missing cat.
Shannon (the secretary) has lost
her cat and has asked David (the graphic designer) to help create a lost cat
poster. This is their email correspondence...
 
Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got
out and has been missing since then, so I was wondering if you are not too
busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy
it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have. She answers to the
name of Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on
Harper street and my phone number is - - - - - - -
Thanks Shan.


From:David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010
9.26am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
That is
shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not
half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you
managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there
cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her
back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I
will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate
the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010
9.37am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Poster
yeah ok thanks. I
know you don’t like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to
leave at 1pm today.

From: David
Date: Monday 21
June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re:
Poster
Dear Shannon,
I never said I don't like cats.
Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand
and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small
but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks
and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my
place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my
feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling
Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he
punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair
already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing
Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead
onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its
shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the
back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached
poster as requested.
Regards, David.


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June
2010 10.24am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah
that’s not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how
come the photo of Missy is so small?

From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re:
Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
It's a design thing. The
cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010
10.33am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over
this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you
make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in color please.
Thanks.


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010
10.46am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
Poster
Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a
few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague
suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't
come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook
and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to
you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make
her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it
slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was
just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per
your instructions.
Regards, David.


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010
10.59am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
Poster
This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it
shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says
missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.

From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010
11.14am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
Poster


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010
11.21am
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
Poster
yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and
the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and
her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave
early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010
11.32am
To: Shannon
Subject: Awww
Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week
but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of
kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and
forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean feces, I wouldn't
have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my
friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed
the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package
and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He
still goes on and on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed
instructions.
Regards, David.


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010
11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww
Thats not my cat.
where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a
photo of my cat.

From: David
Date: Monday 21
June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Awww
I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several
violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If
anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a
black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?"
you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs
removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those
little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for
all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote
control installed. I could charge neighborhood kids for rides and enter it
in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would
call it Steven.
Regards, David.


From:
Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David
Subject:
Re: Re: Re: Awww
Please just use the photo I gave you.


From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010
12.22pm
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re:
Awww


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010
12.34pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
I didn’t
say there was a reward. I don’t have $2000 dollars. What did you even put
that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the
reward bit. Thanks Shan.

From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re:
Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww


From: Shannon
Date: Monday 21 June 2010
12.51pm
To: David
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
Awww
Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have
to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of
it.

From: David
Date: Monday 21 June 2010
12.56pm
To: Shannon
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

2 comments:

Georgette said...

Hahahahhahahah!!! This was genius!! I laughed till I had tears in my eyes!!!

Lola said...

I love this.

Thank you for the 'break' from TV and magazines for entertainment.

I hope Missy comes home.