Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Why I will unintentionally die a slow painful death for my faith, or "why we bleed green"

This is a re-post .
I am working to produce a Christmas feast, and also to pretty much sterilize the house.
Our dentist tells me yesterday that Kate needs braces. Kate was over the moon with joy, and has told everyone repeatedly how happy she is about this. I wondered to myself "where did Ana put her old braces , she isn't using them anymore. Then I choked back the lump in my throat, and proceed to tell my poor overburdened husband the news. All the while Kate is doing a celebratory dance of jubilation in the kitchen (much like a Pentecostal) .She said braces will be FUN!! Sarah says's to her ,"knock it off Kate, can't you see that this is upsetting for other people"?There are unintended consequences for saying yes to God. Each time that I was pregnant I trusted that God would send the resources necessary to grow, and fulfill his will for these children. He has not betrayed me ,however unfortunately for my husband, and myself, our suffering is a part of that equation (and I hate math- reference my brain diagram). We are already overburdened financially. We are paying for Catholic grade school, Catholic high school, and some Catholic college, and each of these institutions require varying degrees of dollars in "thousands". and since 1985 too. What choice do we have? We have to spend the money ,not necessarily for a better education, but so that they can receive the fullness of a "Catholic" education. So that they will become a caring people with integrity, and some self discipline - "Holy Catholics".While people that my husband works with are carting away cash in wheelbarrows ( seriously, most firemen are comfortable financially because they work two jobs ,and their wives work , AND they may have 1 or 2 kids.), we will never be able to retire.We can't save anything. Even so, I am the most frugal woman on the planet, everyone who knows me would agree.
When I am on my deathbed, and there is no food left, and the money is gone, and the surgeries go undone, and the meds run out ,and they simply pull the plug, because the electric bill hasn't been paid............. Know this Lord!, Know it!.......... It was all for you. Everything!! Each ,and every person that I bore , "my yes - my will " was my gift to you. It's all that I had to give ,and I would do it again, even if it kills me.........Jesus I trust in you.
Proverbs 3 5
Have confidence in the Lord with all thy heart, and lean not upon thy own prudence.
Mark 10
24 And the disciples were astonished at his words. But Jesus again answering, saith to them: Children, how hard is it for them that trust in riches, to enter into the kingdom of God?


Melody K said...

I hear you, Belinda! I guess the up side of this is that you won't have to drag Kate kicking and screaming into the orthodontist's office (though she may change her tune when she finds out braces don't feel so good, especially at first.) Do you live near a dental college? Often they do discounted work.

belinda said...

Paul said no to the dental college idea, that was my first thought too.

I am starting to crash. The kids are driving me nuts. What with the noise level,and the fighting, and with the stress of Martha Stewart coming over for Christmas tomorrow. It's all too much.
I hate myself when I get in these "Belinda ,Pity party" moods. That's when I have to pray harder.

Thank you for you suggestion.
Merry Christmas to you.

Melody K said...

I am in meltdown mode, too. Going to have company all weekend; love them all, but have to feed them all and find a place for everybody to sleep. Add to the mix that I have a "learning difference" where cleaning house is concerned; I have to work three times as hard just to make things barely acceptable. (Maybe it has to do with never cleaning seriously except when company is coming??) My older son is bringing his fiancee. She is a lovely girl and I want her to think she is marrying into a normal family. (Boy is she in for a surprise!)
Anyway, Christmas will come whether I'm ready or not.
I hope you and your family have a blessed Christmas!

belinda said...

There is no such thing as a "Normal" family. I have been telling Kate to finish the laundry since about 10 o'clock,and now its
2:15, I am barely away from a crying binge,and a full blown pity party , and my children have just staged an intervention for me. I am not allowed to cuss anymore. They have all yelled at me about it , and in a group fashion. Our cat just shredded the side porch screen. I am really a lousy Mom, but I really do try very hard.

Do you hear that music? That's pity party music. I will share. Stay tuned.
(I think that your daughter in law will love her new family , but there is no perfection on this planet) gosh talking to you makes me feel a bit better.
My children are going to "coup" ,and put me out with the torn wrappings,
and empty boxes- on Friday.

Jackie Parkes MJ said...

I think we have it easier here in the UK..I'm on my 5th with braces..but we get them free with our health service so can't complain.

I will pray for financial assistance for all of us with large families.

A very Happy & Holy Christmas to you..& thanks for dropping by & supporting my blog.