Son, who told you about those?

My little boy exclaimed, "It's wedgie time!", then he laughed hysterically.

Son, it's never wedgie time with 7 older sisters, they'll hurt you - big time.

**************

*note to self.... Speaking of wedgies, make sure that you check the washing machines at the laundro' mat before loading them.

Other customers have left their thongs which ever so lightly cling to the drum barrel.

I've accidentally brought home two now- thongs not drum barrels.

(Here's where I insert a really funny joke but my blog administrator makes me remove it.)

And remember to call Maytag to see what's holding them up. Do not to lose your temper even though you've ordered and paid for a washer, dryer and dishwasher on NOVEMBER 28 2009.

Also remember those calls are monitored for quality control

so brush up on your Indian accent to throw off their scent.

Aging with grace

I'll be having a birthday in a few weeks and I wonder as I age if the activities that I have been doing are age appropriate. I wonder if I'm acting my age and how does a person act their age? I wonder if people laugh at me behind my back when I ride our razor scooter or climb to the top of the playground ropes with Joseph. (I also have tea parties and cookies with Rose, but it's generally in the kitchen so I have no spectators.) How long should old women wear their hair and are my skirts are too short for my age. Can I still wear shorts ? I'm not after all pretending or trying to be something that I'm not. I wouldn't want to be young again for anything. I'm a lot smarter than I was and I'm a much kinder person now. Heck ,I'm not even the same person I was in my 20's and 30's thanks to the handiwork of God.( I got his backhand - many times ;). Raising 8 babies was hard work and I enjoy having a bit of time to myself now. I think it's kind of phony to color my hair but my maintenance man prefers for it to be brown. I wonder if I'm too old to use the words from the Urban dictionary, or to listen to Aerosmith or Justin Timberlake? So much to ponder, but wait I just noticed that it's all about me again.

I better stop it and pray for somebody else. So many people to pray for and so little time.

An unconditional love.

I've had a migrane for two days straight. I asked God to kill me,
but as you can see he refused my request ;)
I can't understand how Christ endured the crown of thorns.
What a great love he has for us. It's incomprehensible to me.

Mr.Misery, loves company.... and I was great company too!

I put something together for my entertainment director to wear for a party that we went to last night and he looked fabulous, but yikes , what a grumpy attitude.

In fact his attitude was rather Grinch like if you ask me. (What a freaky role reversal.)

I had a great time even though the food was terrible and cost us about $60.00.

I went with pre -conceived ideas about some of the people which was sinful on my part.

The person who I thought that I would like the least was my favorite person to talk with during dinner. The man was surprisingly very conservative and as he began to irritate another woman in our party with his views , I laughed out loud and said , "oh, well she doesn't like you very much, but she still likes me and the man said ,"well that's because you haven't said much yet. I said ,"I really don't need to say anything because with me having eight kids that pretty much screams conservative dont you think?"

Then the people at the table nodded in agreement.

(I love Democrats, they're deeply caring people . They're also charming , funny and delusional.)

*I had a lot of trouble narrowing down the perfect ensemble for my blog administrator/entertainment director, but I finally chose the one below on the far left with the extra long collar because it was so cold outside and he would be able to wrap it around his neck a couple of times for added warmth.

I usually bring this guy (anxiety) with me where ever I go , but I left him in the car this time , though he taunted me again when I got back into the car. I really hate him.

He ain't heavy he's my husband.

My blog administrator who also happens to be my music director made the children and I sit at the table after dinner and sing "Oh, come Emmanuel" - all fifteen verses- twice.

Then, after I took the trash out he locked me out of the house and said that I couldn't come in until I could produced some Christmas cheer and put a smile on my face.
Then we both laughed.

*My computer shows that the right side of my blog is missing and I don't know why. I wonder what my blogsters can see it? Hum...

Killing me softly with her song.

Dearest Ana Banana,
Remember the evening back in 2006 when you borrowed your Dads credit card to pay for a Pat Benatar song sheet that you purchased over the Internet so that you could sing "love is a battlefield" for talent day at your old high school ? (you were awesome by the way) Remember you had to "enroll" in the sheet music club to purchase music to study for the performance? Well good news because you've been a member in good standing with "the sheet music club" for the last three years, only you didn't know it and with more precision and accuracy than an atomic time clock the "club" continued to charge us a fee of about ten dollars every month for the last 3 FRIGGING YEARS.

Of course , I thought it was something that Dad was buying and naturally he thought it was something that I was buying.

So I will attempt a little math problem , let's see -12 months X's 3= 36months X's $10.oo = $360.00 . I'm imagining that was just enough money for a monthly payment for me to be enrolled in the "Hot tub on my porch" club. It's been a dream of mine that I would be soaking in a tub with my blog administrator and that you and your siblings would bring us food and drinks and tell us how special we are.

I have to rest my brain now and for Christmas your going to get a framed song sheet of " Love is a battlefield " by Pat Benetar - autographed by your Dad.
Love, Mom
*FYI, I will die long before I ever get to a nursing home.

*Ana's version was much more modest than Pat's was.

An enquiring mind wants to know... How I met your father.

In 1978 I had decided to convert to Catholicism and I had begun to receive the Knights of Columbus "How to be a Catholic" instructional pamphlets through the mail. The pamphlets were featured in the back section of the TV guide and it was like a "do it yourself" kinda Catholicism. I would take the tests through the mail and then hide them under my mattress as a young man I suppose would do with a naughty magazine and I had always made sure that I was the first person to get to the mail box because if my father found out he would have been furious. ( He cried when he found out and it was the first and only time that I have ever seen him cry.) I scored poorly on those exams, but mostly because I didn't understand the terminology and just like today, I'm not so great at Catholicism even though I try really hard, however now many people are on to me :) Anyway, I would study and pray and I once asked God to tell me who the correct person was who he wanted me to marry and to tell me immediately when I saw the right man so that I wouldn't make a mistake. I didn't want to spend a lifetime wondering if I had done the right thing or not. How else would a person make such a hard decision?

I was working as a grocery checker at the most popular store in town because they had sold discounted groceries, and it was 9:15 which was past closing time so I decided to go outside to collect the grocery carts as I would usually disappear from the front registers when it was time to count the money because there would be such huge sums of cash in the drawers and that was back in the day when people used real money and I thought that one day something unfortunate might happen. ( A recurring theme in my life - people never believe me when I tell them something will happen and it's generally just common sense stuff- natural human behavior. The store was robbed a year after I had quit working. )

As I was collecting the carts a young man drove up in his pick up truck and his passenger was another young man that I had gone to school with and they both stopped to speak with me. When I looked at your Dad I knew that he was the one. I just knew. I spent about three minutes chatting with them and then I went to work in the back of the store and I told another employee that I had just met the man that I would marry. She asked me his name and although she knew him , I didn't. I went home and told my mother the same thing. My poor mother. She had a look of concern on her face and then she too asked me what his name was, but again I didn't know. (Geese , I'd hate to have parented a kid like me.) Later on your Dad would come through my check out line and buy things that he didn't need. On our first date I would find the stuff stashed away in his truck unopened.

*********
On occasion my mother likes to remind me of what I had told her yet your Dad doesn't believe my story, ( another recurring theme with my life, I see this, "no you didn't", I heard that, "no you didn't....etc..) It's no matter though ,because it was always between God and myself. I'm positive that I did indeed marry the right person. In fact , I believe that God actually makes some people for one another.and that no other combinations of pairing that are not God's will would ever work out.

I have on occasion questioned whether or not I should be married because my personality is even too much for me sometimes, but I've never questioned if Dad was the right person or not. We're perfect for one another, I'm twitchy and he's calm.

*Okay Ana, there's the story that you had asked me to write. It's embarrassing so keep it to yourself ;) The photo above is my senior picture -1979

The nicest man ever !

My flooring installation guy came home two weeks ago and announced that he would be refinishing the kitchen floor before Thanksgiving.

The first thing that we did was to paint the ceiling. Then it took him a week and a half to complete the floor.

I will touch up the mouldings and the cabinets today and I will refinish 6 bar stools as soon as I can get to them which probably will be after Thanksgiving.

I am hopeful that I can talk him into refinishing two lower cabinet door fronts worn from where we stand to wash the dishes and cook.

He also installed four window blinds and I'm really happy with those.

The floor looks beautiful , thank you Paul !!

Just so ya know, in January I would like to refinish a bedroom floor too.

Congratulations to our daughter Sarah !! She has been promoted at work.

Sarah will be extracting drugs from hair samples.
(actual photos above)

How I spent my October vacation... Day 1

We left on Thursday at noon and arrived at the Silver dollar city theme park at 4:00 and when you arrive late in the day at a theme park there are bits of broken candy everywhere that stick to the bottom of your shoes and there's a thin coat of kid slime on all of the handrails and surfaces. I took Sarah and Kate to ride on "Wildfire" as the rest of us stayed behind to watch. There was a viewing binocular stand that cost 25c to look through and Joseph kept trying to see through them, but he was too short. I was sure that there had been type 1 herpes ocular simplex on the eye lens portion of the machine from the last person viewing the beautiful Ozark mountain country side and I had imagined that there was still some sort of eye drainage on it, so I insisted that Joseph settle for pretending that it was a gun and that he continue shooting the roller coaster riders as they blazed by. This is the ride where grown men scream like little six year old girls.

Below is video footage of my son and what he was doing while everyone else was scrambling atop the stairs to be the first to ride on Wildfire.

We played at the park for about two hours then we left to eat dinner . When we arrived at our
camp site, our activities director had our camp already set up. Yeah, we camped and it was about 40 degrees outside. (at least it wasn't raining) I slept inside the van with Rose, Kate and Grace and they had comfy bench seats with down filled military mountain range sleeping bags and were toasty, but for the rest of the family that slept outside

it was another matter altogether.

I was grateful for not having slept with the "urine-natour"or the "barf-a-natour" (same kid and I'll never tell which one it was, I'm a loyal Mom) My poor activities director took it all in stride as he always does. He never gets mad about those kind of things and he never ever makes a kid feel bad about themselves when these things happen. I married the nicest man in the world.

How do you get through your day without me?

My blog administrator called me from the grocery store to ask me where the "corn nuts" were.
How would I know where they keep "corn nuts" maybe you could ask someone who works there. I'm glad that you took the children to the store with you so you will be able to find your way back home after your ordeal. hahahaha

He bought pistachios.

A river follows a path of least resistance, a tree bends ,

and my blog administrator makes substitutions.

My blog administrator made the mistake of criticizing the amount of work that I had accomplished the other day. Keep in mind that I am a type "A" (for Annoying) person and an overachieving homemaker (hahahaha) ( which I fully intend on putting upon a job application some day ;) and because I no longer have job burnout, I now have goals .... lots of 'em and they're nearly unattainable - who could ever achieve that much? I'm not reasonable with myself. The days of me sitting around the computer depressed for long hours have come to an end , but because the computer is centrally located I do check my email and listen to YouTube. I try to blog within the time frame that my Priest has given to me. Family and friends have asked me to get back on face book and although I miss them, I want to stay outta trouble.

And strangely I am happier than I have ever been even though

I think the world as we know it is coming to a close........bummer (I know).

Anyway , I created and sent my blog administrator his very own personal blog post where in I discussed the error of complaining about the quality of service which I provide and his response was to send me flowers.

Sarah walked by the bouquet and said , "hum, what did Dad say?" as she laughed and

later that day Grace walked by and said , "aww, Dad is so nice", I said, "um , yeeaaaah."

Our children have always like him best.

*I listened to my florist/ blog administrator's heartbeat the other day and it said,

"blin-da, blin-da, blin-da" at 73 beats per minute. Sweet !

The mouth that roared.

I was listening to a Christmas song in the produce department at the grocery store when another old woman passed in front of me. She said something like ,"do you hear that?" I said yeah, I love the baby Jesus and all ,but I'm not ready to have Christmas shoved down my throat. In fact we could skip the entire thing all together and I would be happy. Then I said, "My children were talking about me around the dinner table and laughing with their father and said, "yeah, Mom is a fun sucker, she always likes to suck the fun outta everything that we do". Then they roared with laughter as I told them to go clean their rooms.

BUT as I retold this story IN PUBLIC the first two constants of my words "fun sucker" got mixed up only I didn't realize it. Had my linguistics coach been with me he would'a been furious. She stared at me as I began to piece together what I had just said , and then to my HORROR I understood and as I apologized profusely she said, "that's okay dear", "I was raised by sailors" I covered my face with my itemized departmentalized grocery list and walked away in shame.

But then I got to thinking about the many times that I had cussed and had not been embarrassed about it, mostly in some sort of a fit of rage and it was then that I discovered that in the end the embarrassment will be so great that none of this will have been worth saying.

Again, I'm really sorry Father and for all of it, every word. Boy am I going to be embarrassed in the end.

Dear children, The happiness that you and every person on the planet longs for comes from Christ alone.

If your thumbprint isn't like anyone else in the world, how then could you expect for your body to be just like someone else. Be the person that God has intended for you to be from the moment of your conception. Try to live your life in a way that is pleasing to God and don't ever settle. If the person that your dating wants to change you or doesn't love or respect you as they should then let them go. Never ever settle for the possibility of a second rate marriage or relationship. Your too valuable. Only Christ can bring peace and happiness to you, it's something that this broken world doesn't understand. You must remember to avoid sin at all cost it will destroy you, and further still you must it recognize it when it plays it's self out in your mind while it's still in an immature state, when it's easier to control and squelch.

Christ left an empty place within you for a reason. It's a special spot that he made for himself and it can be filled by him alone. Men, food, sex , drugs or the myriad of other addictions and stimulants can never fill that spot even though people never stop trying. Learning this now can save you a lot of pain and heartache in the future but unfortunately sometimes we are only able to learn things when they cause us pain and lastly remember that your parents will always be there for you.



..... Your Dad wanted me to post this song for you 6 weeks ago. He loves each one of you dearly. Be the women that Christ calls you to be and let the rest go.

Let those who have never been a jackass before cast the first stone.

Hypocrites

I feel sorry for people who fail to control their emotions and get caught up in some sort of a moment. People who do these kinds of things often times find that their apology doesn't seem to be good enough. I think that the offended parties want blood or maybe a head on a platter. Often forgiveness isn't even an option and redemption seems to be out of the question. My guidance counselor calls people who can't control their temper or emotions - emotionally immature.

They're people who simply act upon their emotions and are unable to see what the consequences of their actions will be and so often they say or do whatever is on their mind with no regard for the people around them.

Generally speaking, I don't think that these people do these things on purpose.

They just aren't thinking.

I often wonder how you repair the damage done ?

You can't.

You can't unsay or undo any of your actions ,but fortunately the pain from our actions is the quickest and most effective teacher.

*Disclaimer.. I'm not defending bad behavior. I'm just trying to understand it and why it happens. These sins of mine have given me a deep humility and

have forced me - by my own actions to depend more upon Jesus. I have no other options.

I can't fix any of my sins and there's no other means to salvation.

I know what hypocrites are, but what do you call a person who refuses to forgive?

...I think the words would be "hell-bound".

Oh, my stars !!

Finally it's happened !

Joseph thought that it would never happen.

He said , "Mom , now I can hide my Capri sun straw where I lost my tooth

and drink through the hole!"

You may be wondering what he got for his tooth .

He got nothing but a sense of pride and accomplishment for tugging that thing out by himself.

He doesn't know that some kids get cash for those things.

I have a feeling that I'm gonna get it when he comes home. Kids talk ya know.

I plan on blaming my financial adviser for a managerial error .... Poor Daddy

It ain't easy being my dog..... or my kid.

Rosie told me that she thought that Buster was hot.

Really , really hot so she decided to cut off his fur.

She loves the dog and it was her intention to help the poor thing to keep cool.

Keep in mind that she did this without my knowledge or consent.

I figure that after seeing how badly he was hacked up that she probably had made him yelp a few times and when he yelped she probably yelled at him and told him to shut up and sit still.

She cut most of the fur on his belly and around his... well , you know what and I imagine that he was sweating bullets and afraid to cry while she was doing that.
She was so proud of her work and she just knew that Buster felt better.

She imagines that he was grateful to her for her act of kindness.

(I'm sure he was grateful...when it was all over)

The moral of this story is that school has started and Buster and I say thanks be to God.

Look, he's embarrassed to be photographed now !

Here's "the crusher" wearing his "sister beater" t- shirt.

The boy loves to wear grandpa clothes.

You know , white Velcro shoes (because he's too lazy to tie them) and elastic waist pants for supreme comfort.

Oh, and long white socks up to his knees just like his daddy ... aw....

Mr. Trouble has just had his sixth birthday . He wanted a deer rifle... hahahahahahaha

Fat chance mister and go cry somewhere where I don't have to hear it. ( I ooze sympathy)

Hey, there's always next Christmas !

Maybe you could ask for a rapid firing machine gun and a bowie knife. hahahahaha

(It's important that they learn how to manage heartbreak and disappointment at a young age)

I do think I 'll buy him a drill and some dry wall compound and teach him how to repair things.

Yellowstone Wyoming

Here's one of the highest peaks in Yellowstone and there's a cabin on the very top of that mountain in the background. We were unable to reach our final destination because Rosie started crying and she was tired. We don't climb when children cry. In fact crying children shut down the whole operation which we had to abort.... but at least we got to play in the snow.

My fitness instructor said that he lost seven pounds during vacation.

I wouldn't have a clue if I lost any weight. I don't speak to my scale anymore.

Why do you think that God put flowers on top of mountains.

Who's gonna know? People usually don't go up there anyway.

He must be doing this stuff for himself too and not just for us.

Jiffy pop sells disappointment to children of all ages.

The problem is that the handle is too short and you have to practically put your whole arm into the flames to cook the stupid thing. With singed arm hair , smoke inhalation and burning watering eyes I finally gave up. The foil top tore open prematurely and corn would pop only to fall into the flames. It was burnt on the bottom and yet it still had mostly unpopped kernels. I threw it into the fire and burnt it up entirely because of the bears. Campers were required to get rid of all traces of food. I know that it states on the Jiffy package that it's not to be used over an open flame but it's sold with the camping items and the children thought it would be fun. It's not.

Have you Jiffy pop people seen how much negative feed back that you have over on YouTube and on various blogs. Just google Jiffy Pop sucks and you will find out what I am talking about.

Anyway, I cleaned up my mess and I went to bed - I sleep in the van.... like a hippy freak from the 1960's. Our camping neighbors were from South Korea so our family ambassador decides to pay them a visit. Oh, how he LOVES to visit. As I was nodding off to sleep I could hear their family and my ambassador talking and laughing around their camp fire.

The next morning as I crawled out of the van there was the Jolly Korean Dad from next door to greet me and he said ,"GOOD MORNING! And I said "um, yeah", and I thought oh no! They assume that I'm nice too. They were unfamiliar with our "good cop , bad cop" routine. Anyway then I caught a glimpse of their teenager coming back from the trash receptacle and he looked crabby and I thought to myself.... hum, now that's the one that I like....

A heated discussion

Our trail boss decided to cook dinner and because I was told that I couldn't possibly know what I was doing I was fortunate enough to get out of the cooking responsibilities so I decided to clean the van which incidentally would look really cool painted like the Partridge family van but in some sort of a Catholic way. You know like a POD - a pious and overly devotional persons van . Anyway , our "cookie" (defined as a chuck wagon cook) had finished eating beans out of a pan and he had turned his back and began to rummage through the van for something which I found out later was a piece of bread. So I picked up the pan WITH NO BEANS IN IT and hurriedly washed and dried it. Well my linguistics coach spouts off , "where's my food?" And I said , "I don't know, where did YOU put it?" Then he begins to rant on and on for about five minutes about his missing food blah , blah , blah then I said, "oh, here is your pan". Is that what your looking for?" Then he turned red and angry and said - in a manner that was fitting for a chuck wagon cook working for the "Dalton gang". "WHY DID YOU WASH MY PAN I WASN'T FINISHED EATING!! So I said , "are you kidding?" "There wasn't any food in the pan."
Then he said , "DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO %$#*&%$ EFFICIENT ??? You always have to be so efficient and with that I roared laughing. It was funny because he rarely cusses and when he does it caught me off guard and yet he complimented me at the same time. Then he apologized and felt terrible about it.

I do have to be efficient and to a fault it's who I am and your gonna be lost without me. You won't even be able to find the kitchen on your own and it's just at the end of the hall.

Our son put his shoes on the wrong feet. He never notices and it doesn't bother him in the least and look at how dirty we were from walking on dusty trails.

*********************
BTW.. Just in case you haven't figured it out before. I always refer to my husband as my blog administrator , my trail guide , my cookie , my counselor, my jeweler, my whatever because he doesn't like it when I talk about him so I pretend that I don't.