As I dressed Joseph for alter service this morning our priest walked passed me and I said to him ," Father, I'd go to confession today if I weren't in such a bad mood." He said,"Well that's the best time to go!" I said, "How can I go to confession and expect to be forgiven when I'm upset and angry with other people!?" Father said, "It doesn't matter, you need to go," "But I don't want to !" Then Father said ..."Let's go."
Darn, I wasn't in the mood and I didn't bring my list which Father chastises me for anyway. I never go to confession angry. I always go contrite, embarrassed, ashamed, hurt and disgusted with myself but never angry.
I'm still hurt and if I'm being honest, still a little angry but much less so after Confession (ah, those graces). I always but always forgive people who sin against me but I can't do it instantaneously. I need time to heal. I need a moment. (two weeks maybe a month ;) I went to communion after confession because even though I didn't feel worthy and my confession was pretty lame I remembered that my faith isn't based upon my feelings or emotions and that feelings can be deceptive. I had been forgiven even though I don't feel it and even though it wasn't my finest moment and even though I had been coerced into confessing.
Lord, I'd like to be the person you intended for me to be from the
moment of my conception but so far for the most part ........ it's not happening.