Last night I dreamt I was inside of a beautiful cathedral and standing off to the right side of the alter watching religious people known and unknown to me as they prepared their habits and vestments for some sort of religious festivity which we were  about to participate in and we were all very excited about it! 

 Though these saints had  long since died, they were very much alive and busying themselves with their joyful preparations.  They had all been  members of various religious orders and were adding the finishing touches to their robes and beautiful vestments trimmed with gold and jewels but then I see Barry Manilow walk in from the side door and I'm thinking aw, geese, he's gonna ruin everything, besides he's Jewish. he shouldn't be here! 

Barry then begins to chit- chat with the saints about the kind of music they wanted him to sing and as he yammers on and on about his songs , I'm thinking, "Beat it Barry, we're busy,"  I want to hang out with the saints and watch them prepare to meet God, besides your songs are not "Mass worthy."  But noooooo, I'm stuck listening to him and worse yet I'm the one who has to ride with him in the car to a different  Cathedral which had been prepared for this special occasion.

As we rode in the car Barry tries to decide which songs to preform and he began to speak to me about his thoughts and feelings but then he asks me, "Did you know, I write the songs?" I said, "Yeah Barry, I know, I know." But all the while I'm praying, I just want to talk to God, and hang out with his people. I don't want to pray for Barry, I don't want anything to do with Barry.

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 I know there's a lesson for me in that dream but I haven't figured it out yet. Thanks Barry.

 

Dear God, why can't every day be Cinco de mayo?!
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Our priest said we're supposed to pray before meals and even in public. Father said, "You shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed about Jesus, followed by... "You wouldn't want him to be embarrassed about you, now would you!?"

 Well of course not  but I really think it's too late for that since I've been blogging for some time now.

I never pray in public before meals because I don't want to draw attention to myself  and I don't want to appear as self righteous, or haughty and honestly, I don't want to embarrass Jesus,  what if I have to slap one of my children at the table? (I never slap my children, I can't afford the counseling.)

My activity director decided to take us out for lunch yesterday and as you can see I'm having a great time but my  poor director on the other hand, looks as though he's getting ready to part with one of  his favorite dogs or maybe he's scheduled  for some sort of costly, yet painful dental procedure or perhaps he's lost his best friend?

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Nope, he still has his best friend!

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Dental repairs are waaaay more painful than poison ivy, I'd better make my  administrator some chocolate pudding but thinned down so he can slurp it through a straw and though  he's getting rather expensive, I'll probably still keep him..... for now.

I'm blogging through a migraine- but not very well,... though, who can tell the difference?
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What concerns me the most about the royal wedding is,"Who's watching Elton Johns baby?! Clearly Mr.John has decision making deficiencies.  I'm so concerned! I hope it's not Dame Edna. How much do you think Elton pays a sitter anyway? Ugh,... look at that photo,...  that poor baby!   I think I'd crap my pants too.

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I noticed the Queen doesn't sing, "God save the Queen" but Elton sang it.

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If the royal couple has been living together for a few years now, why is it that William finally decided to buy instead of lease and why do women freely give away something which is so prized by men?  Maybe Big Ben had reminded Kate of something,..... tick, tock, tick, tock.

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If the royals are the head of the church of England, why do they appear to behave more like sinners than saints?

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About Beatrice's hat,... if you  can't say something nice then I shouldn't say anything at all but why doesn't her father take out his sword and hack some of that masterpiece  back somewhere to the normal zone. I noticed he can't even look at her. I bet they collectively blame her mother. (Someone is projecting- sang in a melodic tone.. hahaha)



Migraine + codeine =  Your way funnier when my anxiety disappears.

Two days ago, I said to my blog administrator, "Ya know,....... the stick that you just threw into the fire pit, along with the last one, was poison ivy?" (As he ignored me and projected silent mockery which  could   be recognized with an eye stare / glare and an ever so slight change in his breathing pattern.)

This morning he looks like a one eyed puffer fish  only he lacks the same kind of excitement and amusement of a puffer fish

 and with extensive redness and swelling around his eyes and arms, his general personality has, well frankly - tanked.  I put Ivy itch medicine on his boo-boos and he practically cried in response and as I blew on the stinging patches of magenta skin -which are now spreading quicker than  Muslims in France, it was then that I reminded him of the time - when I was giving birth to one of his little stressors, who can't seem to consume enough food  angels and he said to me, "Awww, come on Belinda, it doesn't hurt that much!"    

 We would have remained childless if he'd a been the one asked to push a watermelon through HIS nose.

Don't feel too sorry for my administrator,  he's a better person than I am and everyone knows it.
I will make him some "Jello" or homemade chocolate pudding today. That will fix everything.

Some private citizens  have cooler phones than our very own president.
:(

Does it take a great phone or superior technology to make a great president?

The things I thought about while I was at work yesterday.

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"I'm what cha call one of those cougars" said my  election official co-worker, they call me that  because my husband is ten years younger than I am.

As I thought, um.....  lucky boy, then I must be what cha call one of those kittens ; ) hahahaha

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The first half of the entire morning she complained about not being able to take a break and go out to her car or maybe run to the store to buy a salad or something. As I'm thinking, "Duh, That's why they call it work, and workers generally have to be at work to be considered working."

 I thought, "Why are you complaining? We're  in a climate controlled building and the most taxing thing you have to do is to sit and ask people for their names and addresses. Who complains about a job  like that?  For me it was like a paid vacation from my housework and  laundry.  I was looking forward to getting away from  the immature whining and complaining from  children for the day but apparently I was wrong.

She asked me how many children I had and after I told her she said something rude and crude which  I purposefully ignored but how could she have said something so mean to me after I had just given her quiche for breakfast?

As I listened to  her  I remembered that people are mean to others to build themselves up.  It helps them to feel better about who they are.

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While watching her I decided that I  need to stop putting myself down  because I'm a nice person and I love people and even though I struggle with my temper  - I really am trying and if I ever had  to choose between me and you - I would choose you.

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If gay women don't like men then why do they dress like men?  I thought they weren't attracted to men.

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I don't appreciate it when an occasional voter stands in my personal space and leans in towards me to return his voter card. It's rude.

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 Co- worker Bob is a such a sweet man. He talks to his wife on the phone a couple of times a day and she packs pudding for him in his lunch but I tease him because she never remembers to send enough for the rest of us. I like chocolate pudding too Bob!
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I'm told that if your wearing red, white and blue while working an election then you're automatically considered a Republican. - Who knew?

Since Mike Tyson loves ears, chickens,  pigeons and they seem to have a calming effect on his personality as they bring out his tender- gentler side.

 I'm thinking that maybe we could mail a pair of peaceful doves or love birds to Chris Brown, with that  very same intention.

People like me who are quick to anger might want to consider making some meaningful changes with their tempers because your - "I'm sorrys", only go so far and then your sincere remorse becomes worthless to your fellow man - except unto God.

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 We may be too late, but has anyone noticed that Mr.Tyson's pigeons don't any have ears?! 

   And do you think he  understands how many possible contaminants he's exposing himself to by kissing pigeons?

- St.Louis Encephalitis, salmonella, ,candidiaiasis chlamydia psittachi,histoplasmosis, cryptococcosis, bed bugs,chicken mites, yellow meal worms, dental decay, halitosis, E coli  and with one well placed peck he could'a lost an eye!

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My activity director/blog administrator has ordered 24 chicks...... darn!

He must have forgotten about our cats. hehe

Our children were prepared for St. Patrick's day and even though your not  able to see their faces, they were excited to be  at the university of Kansas.

The St. Patrick's day parade in Lawrence Kansas - the city of K.U. basketball - the future winners of March madness - 2011 - Obama said so.

When is who coming for dinner?  Who already came to dinner on Tuesday. Who came in through the front door but who didn't have to exit through the back door,  Dolly had to exit through the back door but who didn't care.

(Isn't it funny how some pets look like their owners?)

 Who will visit a Chinese learning center in Chicago on Thursday. (I'm assuming that like the  Mexicans in Kansas who make my Chinese food ;) - Mexicans will also attend that very same learning center ; )  The Chicago center is named  "The Confucius institute" which is designed to spread the use of Mandarin
(- and  BTW.. I love Mandarins  and American Chinese food but then who doesn't?! No, who does!)

Apparently sometime today, Senate majority leader Harry Reid called who ,  a dictator -which I found profoundly amusing but I stop laughing when I realize that the joke is really on us.

Life was funnier when our leader was a Bush. 

My Christmas suggestions for a non eventful day.

(This is a note to myself.)

1) Martha Stewart doesn't live here and our home and  it's contents will  not be perfect, however if  I had 700 employees I could make everything appear to be perfect as well , there by which everyone else could feel bad about themselves. (But in turn, would make me feel bad.)

2) Don't produce a lot of  sweets, they make you feel weepy and cranky and when you don't feel very well everyone else suffers though quietly, and besides those foods  aren't good for the children either.

( And now that you've produced a bunch of unhealthy foods,  your gonna have to stay out of them.... wasn't that smart?!)

3) If Christmas makes you unhappy, (which is does)  then change the way it's done. Who decided that we  have to have a tree or which if any of these Christmas things are necessary. I've decided, I'm having a Mexican fiesta and if you don't like Mexican food , your gonna be hungry when you visit us for Christmas.

4) If you have to buy gifts for  - let's say for about 12 cousins, remember that these same gifts will burden their parents because PARENTS are the ones who will have to pick up the toys and even though we say we  make our children do it. Instead of gifts consider  giving each child a special piece of candy or an impressive  cookie  and a note that reads. "Merry Christmas, I bought you a goat and I sent it to a family in Guatemala. I love you,  Aunt.... (Insert name here) 

This is a win- win for everyone because some parent  in Guatemala will now have something to milk and even though they've told their child to milk it repetitively, it wont be so much of a burden but a true gift.  Your cousin will be happy with the cookie, and the kid's parents will never have anything to pick up again except for the  cookie wrapper and perhaps there's even a tax deduction  in it for you as well.

5) No matter how hard you try, some relatives do not now, nor ever have loved you. It's okay, you can love someone and not be loved in return. It's really okay. Accept the way things are and move on and don't ask why - it is what it is. Jesus loves you and that's enough. Trying to make someone love you  who doesn't is futile.

6) Don't forget to continue saying your prayers and attending Mass, and confession. When you get busy God usually gets put on the back burner and you give him the minimum- just to get by, but this is the worst time of the year to do this because you need the graces more than ever.

7) Pick a soul and make a conscious effort to offer up any and all sufferings from having to be in the presence of people who say hurtful and or stupid things. Let this stuff go as well.

8) Though we've been commanded to love one another as we love ourselves. You really do have an obligation to at least try to be lovable yourself. Don't make is so hard for others to love you in return.

9)  Don't push peoples buttons. This isn't a time to argue about other peoples life choices and besides people don't change unless they want to. Prayer is more effective than arguing and even if your right.

10) Remember to tell each of our children how much they mean to us and that we  love them... A note would be nice.......I  better get started.

*The above photo is of the road in front of our home.

Dear Miss Janet,

 I would like to report something strange I saw at my local Walmart store as part of your new, "If you see something, say something campaign."

I saw something strange here......

                                                                              And again here...

And here......

(I think this guy's the hamburgular, you might wanna arrest him A.S.A.P.)

(Sorry, I stole that joke.....please don't arrest me.)

 I'm pretty sure I found the "Uni bomber" in isle 13.

This woman needed to pick up a few things before she had to catch a flight. (Transparency is paramount.)

Clearly we can see, though nauseating, nothing illegal could be found.

 If fro- hawks aren't illegal , they should be.

Some people were fudging the legal drinking age in Arkansas.

AnTiDePrEsSaNtS for everyone!!

(That can't be legal.)

Congrats, honey... yes you did!

(Did you hear they're hiring at the TSA!)

Managerial approval was needed in lane 24 as Mr.Gold finger requested a price check on an aerosol paint can, but thankfully the Sharpie markers, freon, nail polish, and cement glues were all clearly marked.
(I smell something fishy.)

Eating on the run... that can't be good.

Is fast food still legal?

 

Sister, you can't deny, there's lots of suspicious activity going on over at Walmart, which makes me think all the more, I need to avoid the place entirely.

Okay, FINE if your suffering from escortosis - an auto immune related illness, our Pope says's you can use condoms but for the rest of us - it's still a no go.

With some escort cars exceeding speeds over 170 miles per hour my car "Christine" simply blushes.

Yikes, trying to avoid those uppercut comments from an occasional rude blogger can be quite a task indeed.

It's okay I suppose, as we're mostly getting walloped by people who consider themselves to be Christians.  I think sometimes people forget they're not actually alone and real people with feelings are on the other end  and while non-Christians are watching us as our actions speak louder than our words.

Blogging for an audience of one, well actually three in one.