I don't know what Satan looks like to other people but when I've see him he looks like a regular person except that there's always something about him that isn't quite right. His eyes and hair look a little bit like Neil Diamond but I'm pretty sure that Mr.Diamond isn't the devil - though I am speculating. The times when I've seen the devil I've had a feeling of dread followed by high anxiety and unlike Neil, most often he appears disheveled in one way or another as I once saw him mocking a woman by pretending to be pregnant and Holy with strange messed up hair and with a wicked look on his face. Eh, that's probably his standard look though. The the hate which came from him was palpable and terrifying. It was something I couldn't understand because after all what did I ever do to deserve such hate? I just can't comprehend it.
Late last night I dreamt that Satan threw a Hostess chocolate zinger cake on the ground in front of me and said in a monotone voice, as if he were commanding a dog, "Go get it." And as I stood there and stared at him, I understood that he was making fun of me. He was saying that it takes so very little to distract me from Christ. This act made me feel weak and stupid. He was telling me with out saying anything else that whenever he feels as though I'm bothering him or when I'm some sort of minor threat, there's never really a battle between us, he simply gets me to stop annoying him by throwing food my way and because I feel that processed chocolate zingers are at the very bottom of the food chain, he was insinuating that it doesn't take much to distract me, or lure me away from Christ. So this little visit was a triple insult. Naturally he hurt my feelings but of course that WAS the point.
I suppose it only hurt my feelings because it's true. I AM weak, small and not so bright but the thought of my behavior causing Christ to be disappointed in me brings me to tears. When I remember my weaknesses I also remember that it's Christ who strengthens me and in my humility and smallness Christ fills me with himself. Being stupid is only temporary and I'm okay with that but I can't live with the thought of Christ being saddened or disappointed in me.
I will continue to offer myself and my work to Christ as a living sacrifice and even if my work and I are completely worthless. I'm going to try to not dwell on these things and even though they make me sad, I get how this stuff works.
What does Satan send into your life to detain, distract, or delay you from either Christ or from the work which Christ has given to you? I pray, you are all better Christians than I am, my dear blogger buddies.
My penance after confession was to contemplate how much Christ loves me for five minutes. This was the most difficult penance I think I've ever done and poorly at that.
Lastly, I'm so very sorry for not blogging more but I'm our Catholic schools PTO president and I'm practically living at school now. I sincerely miss all of you.