My Husband took me out for dinner the other night. I hate going out because I don't like to spend the money , and I have food at home, besides I don't know if the people that prepared our food washed their hands, or the forks, the plates, or the menu lately. Worse yet, I couldn't spy an emergency exit. (Just in case, fire safety is no joke) My poor Husband is so good to me , and I complain. UGH...
Before the food comes out my Husband says's to me that he loves me ,and that he could not imagine life without me ,and that he never wants to live without me. At first I thought , YIKE'S mister whats wrong with you? Then he tells me about a neighbor that we had ,and that his wife died.
Paul said that he hoped that , that never happens to him. My husband looked visibly upset.
Gosh , I didn't know what to say. Actually I did say something stupid, about dying my hair white with black ends , but he just got angry.
Sometimes God shoves a mirror to my face, and he forces me to see the kind of person that I really am. I am rather ugly, and then a wave of nausea hits me, when I am faced with my true nature, which is self absorbed , demanding, difficult , and over preoccupied with my own thoughts , feelings, and wants. I think about the times that I have put myself first, or complained when things didn't go "MY "way.
I hate that person that God showed me.
Dear God, Please help me to be the person that you had intended for me to be on the day of my creation. Let my existence not be a disappointment to you, or to the people around me. Let me show you my love for you today , by loving the people around me , as you do , in a selfless manner. Help me to conquer my sins. Please separate me from my sins .We are on a tight time schedule here, we must hurry.
And to my husband- Your a far greater person ,than I ever deserved. I always think that heaven will be wonderful- just because kind souls like you will be there.You don't seem to have to try to be good , you just are. Pray for me , that I may be worthy of Gods kingdom, cause so far I ain't cutting it. I love you. Belinda
Jesus -I suck, I wasn't worth this........http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60tQfY2hqeQ
I'll see you at confession, Saturday 3:30 -4:40