Monday, December 6, 2010

Dear Miss Janet,

 I would like to report something strange I saw at my local Walmart store as part of your new, "If you see something, say something campaign."

I saw something strange here......

                                                                              And again here...

And here......
(I think this guy's the hamburgular, you might wanna arrest him A.S.A.P.)
(Sorry, I stole that joke.....please don't arrest me.)

 I'm pretty sure I found the "Uni bomber" in isle 13.

This woman needed to pick up a few things before she had to catch a flight. (Transparency is paramount.)
Clearly we can see, though nauseating, nothing illegal could be found.

 If fro- hawks aren't illegal , they should be.

Some people were fudging the legal drinking age in Arkansas.

AnTiDePrEsSaNtS for everyone!!
(That can't be legal.)

Congrats, honey... yes you did!
(Did you hear they're hiring at the TSA!)

Managerial approval was needed in lane 24 as Mr.Gold finger requested a price check on an aerosol paint can, but thankfully the Sharpie markers, freon, nail polish, and cement glues were all clearly marked.
(I smell something fishy.)

Eating on the run... that can't be good.
Is fast food still legal?
Sister, you can't deny, there's lots of suspicious activity going on over at Walmart, which makes me think all the more, I need to avoid the place entirely.


Charlene said...

I'm almost speechless, but since it's me, not entirely!

I think the skunk was the perfect picture. If you wonder why people do so much online shopping these days, it's because the stuff you buy is delivered by a UPS driver and they don't look like the people at the store.

Julie said...

Ah, Walmart.
One Saturday evening a couple of years ago, I was bored and lonely (the Learned Astronomer was in Germany), and I decided to go to our local Walmart just to get out of the house for awhile.
I was in the magazine aisle looking at a paperback, and suddenly this huge mega-store was invaded by a swarm of Nazi skinheads-sour-faced young men in boots and brown shirts with red and black insignia. They divided up and marched stiffly up and down the aisles (even into the toy department, for Pete's sakes)They didn't make any purchases. They just swarmed in, and by some pre-determined signal all of them flowed back out the doors again.
Most of these guys were pretty pasty-looking, and I probably could've taken them on if met individually, but the total effect gave me the heebie-jeebies, which undoubtedly was the intention.
Now I go to the perpetual adoration chapel at St John's when I feel bored and lonely.

belinda said...

Julie, I'd have headed for the back door A.S.A.P. - no kidding.

You wrote, "I go to the perpetual adoration chapel at St John's when I feel bored and lonely"

.....and then when you arrive, Jesus no longer feels bored and lonely. :)