Monday, December 22, 2008

The lovely Spring day that Dad brought home a "Weed Eater".

My father brought home this new invention one fine spring day back in the 1970's . My brother , and I had to use the old style hand clippers, and we would clip the entire circumference of our yard most every other Sunday - by hand, but even with our blisters we still clipped on.
My family wasn't religious. Only I was (I am a genetic fluke), and I use to sit on the ground , and clip , and talk to God. (just like today only now I use my computer) Occasionally I would attend a church located two towns away, but only if they sent their bus around .
My Dad was excited , and in a good mood on the day that he brought this "Weed-eater" home,
in fact we all were. (We were hoping that our clipping days were finally over. ) Dad began to work with his NEW weed eater holding it upside down onto his belly. He was trying to figure out if he had enough string in the bottom, and how to thread it through properly, he yelled at my Mom in his mean grouchy voice -to hold the other end and in a certain way too , but then my Mom who was holding the handle accidentally pulled the trigger , and it whips the hell out of my Dads belly, while he screams , but she didn't know that she was holding the trigger, and making it all happen, so she didn't stop. He looks at my Mom , and cusses like it's the apocalypse or something, and yells to her , "get your %#$@# blank, %$#$%%*%@# blank, hands off of the trigger Alice. My Mom replies, "oh Jim, I am sooo, sooo sorry". I didn't know that I was pulling the trigger. Then Dad composed himself- barely-, and you could tell that he was hurting, and really, really angry. At least he didn't cry , then they resumed the same position, and then Mom pulls the trigger- again, accidentally whipping his gut , and again we hear the hole litany of cuss words, perhaps even some newly created ones , then Mom pipes in again - "Oh Jim" , "I am sooo sorry," then Dad said something "smart- ass" like why don't you just kill me already, and at that point my brother , and I both kinda wanted to slap her too, because she was making all of our lives more miserable - much harder than it usually was, and it usually sucked to begin with...........
Today I think -"thank God that Dad didn't ask Mom to hold a chainsaw or else we would have been orphans - my brother ,and I.

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