My son has the analytical brainpower of a rocket scientist - three months
in utero. He told me his life's ambition is to live alone in the forest avoiding people, particularly girls like his sisters - Much like a Sasquatch.

So is it any wonder he said to me, "Mom, I know something that would be really funny, I will lay down on the railroad tracks and I want you take my picture, okay?!"  I said, "Yeah, sure, that would be hilarious," "And  I'll bet social services would  find my top notch parenting skills amusing!"

*Disclaimer- The zoo train had quit running for the day and was parked in the garage but when the conductor was putting it away for the evening, I laughed and said, "It sounds like a lawn mower engine, hahahaha." However my son didn't appreciate the passive aggressive comment about the train lacking speed and power and had he remained on the track at that time, he may have encountered some serious bruising.

A photo of six of my seven daughters.

The missing daughter is in California and needs  prayers for a new job but please dear God,

 - no sponge bob square pants. (And nothing her mom would have to boycott.)

No wound is as direct or as piercing as the words that come from the hearts of any one of my daughters when she's angry.

Dipped in truth, these are crushing blows and I find it difficult to recover.

Planes, trains and crappy automobiles.

My activity director and I are going to California

to see our daughter Elizabeth graduate from animation/film school and I'm so excited, I can hardly wait! My blog administrator asked what I wanted to do when we get there and  I told him, "I really wanna go to the cemetery."  Naturally, he scoffed and asked, "What for, are you kidding?"  Nooooo, I'm not kidding, who wouldn't wanna hike through a cemetery?! but not at night because it's really creepy. I'm not much of a movie fan anyway so my kid left home to make movies to annoy her mother and I'm not a fan of actors either but I am a big fan of Elizabeth and cemeteries.

~~~~

I cashed my teeny tiny ginormous check from the election office and  said to my banker, "I'm going on vacation,  I'm so excited, I need to get some cash for stereo cards or view master reels!  meals. He began to live vicariously though our conversation and excitedly he asked, "Where are you going on vacation!" I replied, "Watts" and he said, "Where" and I said, "Watts!, and again he asked, "Where", and again I said, "Watts!! Watts!!Watts! as the black man sitting next to me couldn't stop laughing because our pasty white banker had no idea of what I was talking about though now in retrospect,  I'm glad I  didn't  mention the cemetery, or Compton.

~~~~~

Here's an email from an NBC page who's discussing the rules of the Jay Leno show with me.

Bring a copy of the front and back of her (Elizabeth's) drivers license with you when you attend the show, and you should be able to use the same reservation (Which Elizabeth secured under her name.)You may have your cell phone on you but it must be turned off and kept completely out of sight until you leave our studio at the end of the day. Cell phone usage is strictly prohibited in our studio and that rule is heavily enforced.
 NBC TICKETS

NBC Page

Okay, thank you for your speedy response. I can't wait to see the show! (I also noticed my hypocrisy) So photos of Jay and I are strictly prohibited? Darn :(

 How then,  will my blogger buddies believe me when I say I was there- with Jay!  It's kinda like when a tree falls in the forest with no one to hear it. Was I really there? 

Belinda

~~~~~~~

She sent no reply, honestly, I don't think she cares about my blogger buddies as much as I do.

~~~~~~~

I hope I run into Ben Stein, but not with my car.

~~~~~~~

I've thought about getting tickets for the "Price is right." I really need a new car but I don't wanna  win a showcase full of crap,  a pontoon boat with a complimentary severe sunburn ( Sara,I'm scared of the water), or a trip to a ski lift  in Samoa.

~~~~~~~

I'm looking forward to mass at the cathedral in L.A., I like puppets, dancing and face painting,(again with the hypocrisy - just kidding), watching the sunrise on Venice beach, with entertaining half naked drug users  Forest lawn,  criminals- in the distance, people making fun of me in Spanish, GPS position # 34.14472-118.31762 (Guess who's buried there!), laughing at my blog administrator who'll be wearing his tube socks with elastic shorts pulled up to his man nipples,  hiking behind Griffith park, the Griffith observatory with Leonard Nimoy, tamales, Randy's donuts, Roscoe's chicken and waffles (I said Waffles Vincenzo!!) and meeting Elizabeth's mentor Candace who I have great affection for. (She created  the visual part for  the music video, "Take on me".)
~~~~~
My activity director threatened to put me on a train if I throw up beside him on the plane. I'm still gonna throw up but I'm counting on him being too poor to put me on a train back to Kansas. I'm a pain in the ass.

Sunday Night

My boy handed  the thermometer to me and asked  if  he was sick enough to stay home from school tomorrow. His  temperature was 105.3  and I said , "Certainly, you are sick but I'm taking you to the emergency room  tonight." He said, "I put the thermometer in the bath tub but do I still have to go to school tomorrow?" Well, not if you go to the hospital tonight!" 

It's a miracle. The boy healed instantaneously but because he's been playing with the digital thermometer since Friday,  I 'm surprised that it took him so long to figure out that trick. I also wonder how long it will take before he learns that he can get  fake doctors notes off of the Internet.

Joseph,............ Mom, what does the word amnesia mean?

Me,..................I'm sorry honey, I forgot.

All my best jokes are wasted on a seven year old.

A close up of cherry blossoms from Elizabeth's thesis film, "The Seven Rooms of the Soul."

Grace sends me these kind of e-mails at least twice a week.

-Grace.......Mom, can I go on a retreat and visit these nuns?
http://www.benedictinesofmary.org/
here is a blog with pictures of them
http://kansascatholic.blogspot.com/2010/05/benedictines-of-mary-queen-of-apostles.html
i love you.  I'll e-mail you again in 5 minutes.

-Me............Um,..... no and thanks for not pestering me about it.  It's important to finish high school first. We Catholics don't want stupid nuns. I love you too.  I'll wait 4 minutes.

While watching a "Save the children" commercial on television, our daughter Grace said to her dad, "Those poor children make me feel so sad," but her dad said, "Don't worry Grace, we send them money,"  and as she gratefully exhaled, she said, "Thanks dad, when I become a nun, I'm going to Calcutta to feed  the poor African children," to which I replied, "Good luck with that, but how then will you kiss your mother good- night?"

God is calling our Grace to himself, but he's making  me cry.

Dear Elizabeth,
Happy Valentines day sweetheart. You know what some people are calling Valentines day don't you?
Single Awareness Day or S.A.D. for short. :(  I made chicken florentine for dinner for your dad and brother and sisters, then we drank sparkling wine and got drunk with the children.  They're really funny when they're tipsy but of course you know I'm totally kidding about the chicken florentine. Your dad bought chocolates for your siblings who ate them as  if tomorrow were "The day after" except that Ana had made a grievous error in judgement when she decided to eat some of Josephs candy there by causing the boy to have a melt down. Do you know how hard it is for a 7 year old  with cash flow problems and no vehicle to score chocolates ? Someone owes him some candy  after school today or my life will be a living hell - and that's the only thing I haven't exaggerated about. XOXOX Mom

BTW. You might want to start cleaning your room, I'll be there sometime in  May  ;)  That is if I make it though the airport security without being touched otherwise I'll be in the L.A. county jail - can I call you?

I specifically told the boy not to sleep with the cat. I specifically told the cat that he's not allowed to sleep in the house. The boy is sound asleep upon the cat and I'm surprised that the cat allows this but the cat doesn't seem to mind. In fact neither one of them mind very well at all....

but then neither does the dog.

 Stupid creepiod slackers

Here's what I wrote to the  Face Book  creeper who posted on my 27 year old daughter's  page in a lame attempt to um... date.
Yeah, so she's 27 and 6 states away ( - give or take)  but  I'll always do what I can to help, support and protect her. In other words, I will never stop being her mother.

The post read as follows.....

"Ibrah M Wanjohi " is on casual dating and wants to chat with you - Live chat now!

No credit cards required. upfront.

(Below are the words used for  Mr.Wanjohi's FB avatar photo.)

I said to Mr. Don Wan  in reply...........

I'm her mother and I say she doesn't wanna chat so you can take your
casual syphilitic self and beat it. Besides there are primary vectors on every street corner in L.A. so to actually seek you out would not only be a waste of time but it wouldn't be very cost effective either. In short - kinda dumb.

You know for something which is so highly prized by men, some fellas aren't working very hard to get it. Some of you guys can't even seem to pretend to woo a woman with your manners, kindness or your absent intellect anymore as you've abandoned the charming lies -once a staple of modern dating while opting for the "Hugh Hefner" straight forward "Hook-up" approach- which by the way wont be working for Hef much longer either  but don't think for a moment that Hugh won't still be having sex in the nether world because he will be, the demons are gonna have a hay day with that man  -and for all of eternity.

*****

Ladies, if a man is unwilling to pay a prostitute to do what you can do for him for free then perhaps you should reconsider. Think about it - doesn't that  make you cheaper than a......
- I can't even finish that sentence.

*BTW - That's my real face book avatar.

Aw, I just read that Jack Lalanne died on Sunday evening but I had  prayed for him last Thursday so I'm not too worried about him.  I'm thinking about "offering up"  my work out for his soul today but then again maybe I'll offer up a workout for him tomorrow or perhaps on Thursday. Okay I will positively offer up a work for him sometime next week.

I remember  when Jack said his goal was to live to be a hundred and I thought darn!, at 96 he was so close!

And Jack- about that sugar rant of yours, I had tapioca pudding for breakfast so maybe you could pray for me too?

Please, Please pray for our daughter Elizabeth who is stranded beside a highway with a broken car right  at this very moment. Her dad - my blog administrator has called for a tow truck and has arranged for it to be serviced. I'm so very worried. I can't stand the thought of my child- well she's 27 standing beside the road in a broken car, six states away and upset. She's probably stuck in Watts and she's a very pasty white girl with really red hair... She doesn't blend in very well at all. I'm so worried!



She's on the far left. Did I mention that I'm really worried?

My steam punk children.

Our son said to me, "WHERE'S LUCY?! WHICH WAY IS LUCY?!  HURRY, WHICH WAY IS LUCY?!

I said, "What in the world are you talking about?  He said, Dad told me - righty tighty - lefty loosey so which way do I turn the wrench because I don't know my left and right.

Sadly, after about a dozen double "A's" the poor boy still  couldn't get his homemade train to work properly and not even after his brainiac sister Maria helped him.

*If you happen to notice the boys toe, he dropped a piece of wood on it when he was helping his Dad build a fire and naturally he didn't have his shoes on at the time. Later on he fell on his face and scraped  his nose   but no matter how much it hurts for me to watch, I'm not going to bubble wrap my boy.

My children's idea of blogging perfection - a cartoon.

Joseph,.........Mom, I love praying by the Christmas tree!

Me,......Oh, really, I thought you were checking out the gifts.

Joseph,......No, I just like praying.

Me,......I'll remember that next time I hear you reciting  the rosary like an auctioneer on amphetamines.

It's not so much that love hurts, I don't think love is supposed to hurt, but it's the dying to ourselves part of our relationships that hurts us the most and  though it feels bad  it wont kill you, well not outright anyway and even though you may want to die  :(

***

Romans 8:28

Douay-Rheims Bible
And we know that to them that love God, all things work together unto good, to such as, according to his purpose, are called to be saints.

*Next time I'll post in Italian and forgo the faux Korean posts. Love, Mom

Congratulations to my blog administrator. Apparently he and a paramedic helped  to deliver a baby along side of  I- 35  yesterday.  Our daughter Sarah asked me how much her dad actually participated in that delivery and I said, "I'm guessing about as much as he participated with your seven siblings - I did all of the work while he looked busy.

*Note - the above photo is a facsimile of my blog administrator (He's on the left) and as you can plainly see he takes his job very seriously.

Our little boy was visibly upset after he spotted a man without a leg while we were out in public and he turned to me and said, "That man without a leg scares me."  To which I quickly replied, "Knock it off, everyone is broken in some way, only most of the time you don't actually get to see where." But then I realized, oopsie,  that was probably way over his head, and I wasn't being very compassionate nor did my comment  showcase my best parenting skills so I said, "Well, what if Nate - you like Nate right, (He's Ana's boyfriend.) lost a leg in some ice skating mishap wouldn't you still like him?"

To which my little boy replied,"No ....... not very much." 

Translation for blogging pirates is as follows-

Ahoy, our little boy was 'isibly upset after he spotted a man with ye ol' peg leg
while out in public last week. He turned t' me and said, "That man scares me because he only has one leg. Arrr, t' which Me quickly replied, "Knock it off,  Aye, e'eryone is broken
- (A pence for an old man o'de sea?)
Arrr, only most o' the time you don't actually get t' see whar." Gar, Where can I find a bottle o'rum? Ahoy, but then Me realized, oopsie, that was probably way o'er his head Gar, and I wasn't be-in' 'ery compassionate
Aye, nor did my comment showcase my best parentin' skills so I said , "Well, what if Nate - you like Nate Aye,  lost a leg in some ice skatin' mishap wouldn't you still like him?  t' which my son replied,
"No.......  not 'ery much." Aye, me parrot concurs.

*I suggest that maybe a certain somebody should avoid the ice rink this winter and eye patches, however toting around talking birds would be a real plus!

We visited our daughter Ana at the Benedictine Abbey yesterday and while we were downtown I picked up a brochure about the city's haunted Halloween tours. It's where you can tour real haunted houses while riding in a trolley -just  like Mr.Rogers. I said to Ana, "I wonder if it would be a sin to tour these homes -ask one of your monk friends." She replied, "No, Mom, it's not a sin." "I go to catholic college and I know everything about the catholic faith, I know everything about everything."

(I'm thinking maybe it wouldn't be a good idea anyway.)

Someone should alert NASA and notify the Pope.

They might be able to put to good use Ana's vast wealth of  knowledge ;)

- Ana, one of Americas greatest natural resources to be sure!