Last Weekend I snuggled with our boy who had a fever for three days. I was sorry he was sick but I enjoyed spending time with him while not having to chase after him or clean up  one of his numerous homemade invention messes but Now I'm sick and the antibiotics aren't working. I've decided to have a pity party -for myself and I've invited a bunch of legionnaires because I heard they're a lot of fun. (They're Catholic too!) Sadly, the cootie I've got is either Legionnaires disease, Lyme disease or the flu but if it's the flu it's couldn't possibly be the regular flu because my teeth hurt and so do the hairs on my head and legs. (I can't even hold a razor or my favorite sparkly red nail polish wand. )

........Just a sec, I have to rest for a minute....

I look like crap, my hair is matted like my cats rear and I sound like Darth Vader when I breath or speak. I'm a real vision with the doubled up breath right strips over my nose. My skin coloring looks like Edward from those vampire movies.   My house looks like the remains of some sort of KU frat party and I'm pretty sure, I heard my children talking about a coupe. If God is trying to kill me, I wish he would do it faster.

Okay, thanks for listening,..... party amongst yourselves... Perhaps the Legionnaires can form a soul train dance line, that always cheers me up. Well,..... not this time... White people need to stick with what they do best, river dancing and marching.

Oh the passion, and those smoldering eyes, (Or maybe he's simply still smoldering.) That look of love can only mean one thing. It's another Valentines day with my administrator!

My administrator is actually in California, hanging out at Disney land with our Maria but he sent me a sweet note via Gmail. Fortunately for me, he was able to form a few frilly words into some fine sentences plus -this is an off week for his routine back waxing.

If my son, "The bat boy" ends up in the principals office again tomorrow, I will be livid. The little mutant needs to comply with authorities and do his school work with respect and courtesy for others. My son is a mini version of my father... The perils of the genetic lotto.

My blog administrator/activity director said that my mini van is on it's last leg and we need to upgrade. (Backwards, 12 years.) He called me from the kitchen (Which by the way he's unfamiliar with - it's down the hall to his right.) and he asked me what I thought of this car pictured below. He said,..."It's a great car because it only has 63,000 miles and the guy only wants $1,500 for it. He said that a little old lady drove it (To mass everyday to pray for souls and then to work in a soup kitchen - I'm sure). He asked me, "Do you like it?" I said, "What, did Huggy bear die?! I can't drive a pimp car! It'll looks like Huggy bear bequeathed it to me after some sort of drug deal gone bad. (You don't actually believe he died of an age related illness do you?) I just can't drive a car like that. I know God likes humility and all but please Dear God don't make me drive around looking like a drug trafficker and I know Dear God that you enjoy a good laugh and often at my expense so please don't make me drive a hearse either. Please?.....

Love, Belinda

Elizabeth has applied for a job at one of the  Disney studios and they have  responded favorably to her portfolio. They said that she's one of the finalists

 - but then there are probably a lot of finalists.

We've started a nine day novena on Elizabeth's behalf. Our son  has been participating with us, praying as he's never prayed before. He threw his whole heart into it, praying solemnly, slowly and with as much  devotion and passion as his little heart could muster, unlike his usual method of praying like an auctioneer - late for a pig roast. Joseph believes if his sister is hired, she will then mail him a couple of tickets to Disney World or Disney land so if this prayer is answered God would be in essence killing two birds with one stone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Elizabeth was sitting in her office overlooking Paramount studios next door and watching people come and go in their Bentley's, and Mercedes, then as she  turned to gaze at the "Hollywood" sign, she told me she thought to herself, "Is this all there is?" This place is such a joke. How did  it become so iconic. Hollywood has sold us all a bunch of lies.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's another movie, Elizabeth has made.

Please consider praying for our daughter. We need people like her in Hollywood.

My bad

It was my brother in laws birthday and he decided to take his wife, my activity director and myself, to Knuckleheads, a night club in Kansas City Missouri.

My brother in law seated me directly behind an older man who was sitting next to a pole nearly the width of the mans head. The three people in my party could see just fine, I on the other hand could not and as we watched the musicians portraying Buddy Holly and the crickets revving up the crowd, the old man decided to get up and get himself another beer but not before he wisely left his jacket on the back of the chair to save his spot. I spontaneously decided to move his chair three little inches to the right and when the old man returned with his tall boy beer, he noticed nothing. I said to my activity director, "When he drinks himself under the table, I will be able to see."

 After about 15 minutes the old man got up to get another beer and so again I moved his chair three inches to the right and after doing this for the forth or fifth time, the old man found himself squarely seated behind the pole and straining to see around it.  He struggled to move his chair but the floor was uneven and one of the legs kept snagging on the uneven concrete cracks in the floor and because he appeared too drunk to figure out this simple equation, he simply sat behind the pole staring at it for a few minutes, then he picked up his coat and stammered away.

I  moved up to the seat next to the mans chair as my activity director sat directly in the newly vacated chair and  I looked at my activity director and laughed as I said to him , "Good thing the  man wasn't incontinent," "You checked first right?"

*******

My bad,  as defined by the Urban dictionary;

 Moronic phrase used by pretentious, clueless twats to acknowledge they have made an error.
Example; I forgot to remove the safety catch before putting the gun against my own dumb head and pulling the trigger. My bad

Ana said to me, "A man who works at the bank asked me out on a date today, he wanted to know if I ever dated older men and I said yeah, my last boyfriend was twenty-three , then he said, "Have you ever considered dating anyone older - like say... 46? But I told him no, though I would have considered it if he were the bank owner and not the bank president. (Ana loves to tease me and say things to raise my blood pressure- for fun.)
I said , "Don't make me slap you."

 I wish I could have been there to put grandpa in his place.

 Directly across the street from the Graumans Chinese theater is the Jimmy Kimmel show and behind his building is an enclosed parking lot where the concerts for his show are performed. Across the street from the concert lot is the Hollywood high school., which has these amazing paintings of former students along the exterior walls. West of this building is the school track and field and it's all situated in the middle of the city and is fully enclosed.

Here I'm hangin' out with Buster Keaton (kinda- sort of) ... I love him and I pray for him often.

Buster had two stars, one for his movies and one for his television work, naturally, I prayed twice.

 The "Betty Paige" store had the prettiest and most modest clothing along the street - go figure. That idea cracked me up. Then I worried about where Betty might be today , so I prayed for her soul too. I also asked God if I he would mind sending me a pink dress with a black cardigan sweater - to wear with my pearls.

These dresses were beautiful replicas from the 1950's. The side walk out in front has the "Walk of stars" and it runs for several blocks along both sides of the street."

Here's where I could  of  purchased  a "Permullet" (- a permed mullet) for my activity director!

Urban dictionary defines those haircuts  as being....."The 30-10-60" (30% up top, 10% on the sides, 60% out back). 

(Just say no.)

Elizabeth Taylor had tiny feet but then again she was wearing high heels.

Here's where I offered to get matching tattoos with my activity director. He declined - again. ;)

Ironically,.... not the Betty Paige store.

 The Grauman's Chinese theater.

Next door to Graumans was Madame Tussauds  where this Marilyn replica sat out in front of the museum. She's made of silicon so she wont melt in the sun.

Scammers.

Here's where Spiderman  begs for a photo with me and at first I declined but then I thought, "Maybe my seven year old back home would be impressed, so I relented. After the photo they demanded to be paid but I should have told them no because my eyes were closed.

Ugh, repulsive.... Cat woman was all over my blog administrator like,  "White on rice."

Can I be an honorary Spinner now?!

Dear God, why can't every day be Cinco de mayo?!
~~~~~

Our priest said we're supposed to pray before meals and even in public. Father said, "You shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed about Jesus, followed by... "You wouldn't want him to be embarrassed about you, now would you!?"

 Well of course not  but I really think it's too late for that since I've been blogging for some time now.

I never pray in public before meals because I don't want to draw attention to myself  and I don't want to appear as self righteous, or haughty and honestly, I don't want to embarrass Jesus,  what if I have to slap one of my children at the table? (I never slap my children, I can't afford the counseling.)

My activity director decided to take us out for lunch yesterday and as you can see I'm having a great time but my  poor director on the other hand, looks as though he's getting ready to part with one of  his favorite dogs or maybe he's scheduled  for some sort of costly, yet painful dental procedure or perhaps he's lost his best friend?

~~~~~~

Nope, he still has his best friend!

~~~~~~

Dental repairs are waaaay more painful than poison ivy, I'd better make my  administrator some chocolate pudding but thinned down so he can slurp it through a straw and though  he's getting rather expensive, I'll probably still keep him..... for now.

Planes, trains and crappy automobiles.

My activity director and I are going to California

to see our daughter Elizabeth graduate from animation/film school and I'm so excited, I can hardly wait! My blog administrator asked what I wanted to do when we get there and  I told him, "I really wanna go to the cemetery."  Naturally, he scoffed and asked, "What for, are you kidding?"  Nooooo, I'm not kidding, who wouldn't wanna hike through a cemetery?! but not at night because it's really creepy. I'm not much of a movie fan anyway so my kid left home to make movies to annoy her mother and I'm not a fan of actors either but I am a big fan of Elizabeth and cemeteries.

~~~~

I cashed my teeny tiny ginormous check from the election office and  said to my banker, "I'm going on vacation,  I'm so excited, I need to get some cash for stereo cards or view master reels!  meals. He began to live vicariously though our conversation and excitedly he asked, "Where are you going on vacation!" I replied, "Watts" and he said, "Where" and I said, "Watts!, and again he asked, "Where", and again I said, "Watts!! Watts!!Watts! as the black man sitting next to me couldn't stop laughing because our pasty white banker had no idea of what I was talking about though now in retrospect,  I'm glad I  didn't  mention the cemetery, or Compton.

~~~~~

Here's an email from an NBC page who's discussing the rules of the Jay Leno show with me.

Bring a copy of the front and back of her (Elizabeth's) drivers license with you when you attend the show, and you should be able to use the same reservation (Which Elizabeth secured under her name.)You may have your cell phone on you but it must be turned off and kept completely out of sight until you leave our studio at the end of the day. Cell phone usage is strictly prohibited in our studio and that rule is heavily enforced.
 NBC TICKETS

NBC Page

Okay, thank you for your speedy response. I can't wait to see the show! (I also noticed my hypocrisy) So photos of Jay and I are strictly prohibited? Darn :(

 How then,  will my blogger buddies believe me when I say I was there- with Jay!  It's kinda like when a tree falls in the forest with no one to hear it. Was I really there? 

Belinda

~~~~~~~

She sent no reply, honestly, I don't think she cares about my blogger buddies as much as I do.

~~~~~~~

I hope I run into Ben Stein, but not with my car.

~~~~~~~

I've thought about getting tickets for the "Price is right." I really need a new car but I don't wanna  win a showcase full of crap,  a pontoon boat with a complimentary severe sunburn ( Sara,I'm scared of the water), or a trip to a ski lift  in Samoa.

~~~~~~~

I'm looking forward to mass at the cathedral in L.A., I like puppets, dancing and face painting,(again with the hypocrisy - just kidding), watching the sunrise on Venice beach, with entertaining half naked drug users  Forest lawn,  criminals- in the distance, people making fun of me in Spanish, GPS position # 34.14472-118.31762 (Guess who's buried there!), laughing at my blog administrator who'll be wearing his tube socks with elastic shorts pulled up to his man nipples,  hiking behind Griffith park, the Griffith observatory with Leonard Nimoy, tamales, Randy's donuts, Roscoe's chicken and waffles (I said Waffles Vincenzo!!) and meeting Elizabeth's mentor Candace who I have great affection for. (She created  the visual part for  the music video, "Take on me".)
~~~~~
My activity director threatened to put me on a train if I throw up beside him on the plane. I'm still gonna throw up but I'm counting on him being too poor to put me on a train back to Kansas. I'm a pain in the ass.

Mass was crowded  so I had to sit in the opposite pew across the isle from my blog administrator. I love it when he winks  at me but who could tell if he was winking with his eye swollen shut? I winked back at him anyway and after mass he said the man sitting beside him thought I was winking at him. Maybe I was. Actually I was thinking about Padre Pio because I had the privilege of sitting next to a man who had served mass for Saint Pio.
I thought, "I should  ask this man that if he would happen to die before me, if he could please tell Padre Pio thank you for all of his intersessions and prayers on our behalf and then give Padre a hug for me, I'm so grateful." But because my pew pal is frail  and has trouble walking, I thought I 'd better leave him alone to go about his business.  I'd hate to be the cause of a fall or maybe my comment -about the dying part, might insult him. I walked away sad because I didn't get to speak with him, though God must have told Pio what I was thinking  because later that evening Gracie handed a gift to me and  said, "Our deacon gave this to me and told me to give it to my mom."  It was a rosary in a box with Padre Pio's photo on top," It was the picture of Padre giving a blessing. 

 I'm gonna wink at God, do you think he'll notice? I love it when he winks back at me.

Dear God, check inside the Japanese lunch box, third drawer from the top but try and guess what's in it first. Maybe you could act surprised.

Two days ago, I said to my blog administrator, "Ya know,....... the stick that you just threw into the fire pit, along with the last one, was poison ivy?" (As he ignored me and projected silent mockery which  could   be recognized with an eye stare / glare and an ever so slight change in his breathing pattern.)

This morning he looks like a one eyed puffer fish  only he lacks the same kind of excitement and amusement of a puffer fish

 and with extensive redness and swelling around his eyes and arms, his general personality has, well frankly - tanked.  I put Ivy itch medicine on his boo-boos and he practically cried in response and as I blew on the stinging patches of magenta skin -which are now spreading quicker than  Muslims in France, it was then that I reminded him of the time - when I was giving birth to one of his little stressors, who can't seem to consume enough food  angels and he said to me, "Awww, come on Belinda, it doesn't hurt that much!"    

 We would have remained childless if he'd a been the one asked to push a watermelon through HIS nose.

Don't feel too sorry for my administrator,  he's a better person than I am and everyone knows it.
I will make him some "Jello" or homemade chocolate pudding today. That will fix everything.

Joseph,............ Mom, what does the word amnesia mean?

Me,..................I'm sorry honey, I forgot.

All my best jokes are wasted on a seven year old.

If you run over me in the grocery store parking lot with your Chevy Tahoe hybrid, I believe that negates any sort of  eco-virtue you might have gained.

I hope that when I die, I don't end up in hell with virtuous pagans - which by the way, I richly deserve.

While watching a "Save the children" commercial on television, our daughter Grace said to her dad, "Those poor children make me feel so sad," but her dad said, "Don't worry Grace, we send them money,"  and as she gratefully exhaled, she said, "Thanks dad, when I become a nun, I'm going to Calcutta to feed  the poor African children," to which I replied, "Good luck with that, but how then will you kiss your mother good- night?"

God is calling our Grace to himself, but he's making  me cry.

Dear Elizabeth,
Happy Valentines day sweetheart. You know what some people are calling Valentines day don't you?
Single Awareness Day or S.A.D. for short. :(  I made chicken florentine for dinner for your dad and brother and sisters, then we drank sparkling wine and got drunk with the children.  They're really funny when they're tipsy but of course you know I'm totally kidding about the chicken florentine. Your dad bought chocolates for your siblings who ate them as  if tomorrow were "The day after" except that Ana had made a grievous error in judgement when she decided to eat some of Josephs candy there by causing the boy to have a melt down. Do you know how hard it is for a 7 year old  with cash flow problems and no vehicle to score chocolates ? Someone owes him some candy  after school today or my life will be a living hell - and that's the only thing I haven't exaggerated about. XOXOX Mom

BTW. You might want to start cleaning your room, I'll be there sometime in  May  ;)  That is if I make it though the airport security without being touched otherwise I'll be in the L.A. county jail - can I call you?

Ana's boyfriend, Nate, spent a few days with us for his birthday and so Ana decided to make him a cake.  Nate loves to fish so we took a baked pan of brownies and molded them into the shape of a fish, then we cut pieces of fondant to cover the brownie form which we then painted with food coloring. (We left off the fin along the top of the fish off so that the cake would fit nicely into our freezer.)

We used peanut M&M's for the eyeballs and Ana painted them to tone down the orange.

Ana doesn't know how to cook but her little sister Rose does, so Rose talked Ana through  the process of baking a chocolate cake from scratch.

We double dog dared Rose to eat the candy fondant bug in the fishes mouth which she happily had done.

 Naturally, Joseph loved the part with the fire and Sarah took a cut piece of the  "fish head"  to work with her  and  she put it on her bosses desk. What do you suppose that was all about?

I haven't seen our daughter Elizabeth's movie yet and I can hardly wait!

Elizabeth said  to me after schmoozing with the finest quality of people last weekend,  "It has become increasingly clear to me that everyone needs redemption- everyone needs Christ because everyone - all of us suck."
These are photos of her at around age 4. (1987)
-She was born an artist.

 Elizabeth's animated  film segment "opened" last weekend in Miami.

She had worked on a section of the movie while other artists worked on other parts of the film. Her section of the movie was favored most by the critics and she said that she had mailed the reviews to us by snail mail and I can hardly wait to receive them. My activity director and I didn't go to the premiere because we had to chose between braces for Maria's teeth or Elizabeth's movie and Maria won!
Elizabeth said she bought a dress at Nordstroms but most women wore designer gowns so she was still under dressed and worse yet people thought the animators were "The help" and even though they wore name tags specifying that they were the artists.

People who are in charge of us don't think about us, we are not even a consideration. If you wonder if people ever think about you - they don't.

- Elizabeth.

Please, Please pray for our daughter Elizabeth who is stranded beside a highway with a broken car right  at this very moment. Her dad - my blog administrator has called for a tow truck and has arranged for it to be serviced. I'm so very worried. I can't stand the thought of my child- well she's 27 standing beside the road in a broken car, six states away and upset. She's probably stuck in Watts and she's a very pasty white girl with really red hair... She doesn't blend in very well at all. I'm so worried!



She's on the far left. Did I mention that I'm really worried?

My steam punk children.

Our son said to me, "WHERE'S LUCY?! WHICH WAY IS LUCY?!  HURRY, WHICH WAY IS LUCY?!

I said, "What in the world are you talking about?  He said, Dad told me - righty tighty - lefty loosey so which way do I turn the wrench because I don't know my left and right.

Sadly, after about a dozen double "A's" the poor boy still  couldn't get his homemade train to work properly and not even after his brainiac sister Maria helped him.

*If you happen to notice the boys toe, he dropped a piece of wood on it when he was helping his Dad build a fire and naturally he didn't have his shoes on at the time. Later on he fell on his face and scraped  his nose   but no matter how much it hurts for me to watch, I'm not going to bubble wrap my boy.