Which came first the chicken or the car?

Our lovely daughter Elizabeth who lives in Los Angeles needs to buy a car but she's not able to shop for a car because she has no way to get around . She also needs a job but she can't look for a job because she doesn't have a car but she can't afford a car because she doesn't have a job... So here's my solution..

You become a contestant on THE PRICE IS RIGHT!

I've done some extensive google maps research and I've figured out how far your located from the Bob Barker studio and so here's what I want you  to do.

Start on West Adams blvd and begin to walk west ( your gonna want to wear your comfy shoes.) Go straight west for 6 miles. Walk AROUND the La brea tar pits and go three more miles to Fairfax Ave. (Don't forget to charge up your cell phone and ignore the colorful people you may encounter.)

Avoid the Bordello on 901 East 1st. Street. Google search has given this place very poor ratings though the D.J is supposed to be highly entertaining.

At Fairfax Avenue and Adams I want you to turn north- quickly.

Now I want you to run really, really fast through the Watts district and you should not stop to chit-chat with anyone.

Don't volunteer to call the fire department and do not ask for or give directions.

Just keep running and perhaps you could even speed up.

7651 Oakland Ave is your final destination. You have to get in line for FREE tickets at around 4:00.

*On your way home you may wanna check out the Bob Baker Marionette Theatre!

But on second thought maybe you could just run back home now.

In my future posts I will discuss bidding strategies and I'll give you practice show cases to consider.

Good luck sweetheart. We love you ! XOXOX  Mom 

*I'm also saying a Novena and pestering our blessed mother because she can get her son to make anything happen!

     "Hey, Kate there's a man at the door for you and he has a check with your name on it!"

I think he said his name was "Reality."

*If all goes well someone will be getting her first job very soon.

Prayers requested and gratefully accepted.  :-)

A kid came up to me at our yard sale and asked , "How much do you want for this gun?"

I said, "A quarter"

He said, "Will you take ten cents?

I said, "No way, beat it kid."

(I'm kidding. I sold 'em the gun :-)

Every morning I pray a Rosary with our children in the car on our way to school. We pray for our daughter Elizabeth and ask that God will keep her safe and protect her from the Cali-creepers.(California pervs but this term encompasses all forms of creepiness and personal safety in the form of natural disasters.) We ask God to please send her a car and a computer both of which she desperately needs and lastly we pray as earnestly as possible that God will send her a creative job of quality work and we always end with, "Please God, no sponge bob square pant as an example of what we don't want to see her creating, please send her quality work!" Then we end our prayer with a thank you..

******
I just spoke with Elizabeth  on the phone and she started laughing when I shared our family prayer with her. She said, "Mom I have to go because I have a meeting with the creator of sponge bob in twenty minutes."

My reply was to her as follows.......

*This post was not a joke, she really did have a meeting with the guy.

Say honey, "How would you like your pain?"

 Hmmm, "I'd like mine over easy and well done please."

*******

That was the question posed inside of my head and it continued - if you don't lose weight you're going to have to  live with the pain of diabetes and heart issues. The  necessary medications required will be expensive and  the procedures will be painful.

Personal accountability is happening to me and I'm not allowed to be overweight anymore. 

Besides I'm not willing to be "chipped" for my health care.

 I know  no one has mentioned that yet but I believe it's going to end up that way.

Pain is going to happen but  it's up to me how it will be served.

Hmmm, "I'll like to have a plate of diet" and an order of exercise with a glass of water.
I'd also prefer a simple salad with pain on the side, thank you very much."

Here's my Dear Craig e-mail. If you hear him read it please let me know. I can't stay up that late :(

Dear Mr.Craig,My daughter attends one of those fancy -schmancy art schools down the street from you and has promised me that if I visit her from Kansas she would take me to see your show. My daughters and husband have seen your show before and had enjoyed it . My girls thought you were dreamy, however my husband did not. Which was a good thing for both you and I.

My problem is that I'm scared of the airport body scans and possible probing and I can't ride in the car with my other children all the way from Kansas because when I got there I would end up crazy and playing car tag on the Santa Monica Boulevard. What should I do?
Sincerely , Belinda - from Kansas

We are not defined by our things.

I used some of my lead crystal to showcase Sarah's party cupcakes

and I used my country granite ware roasters as ice buckets for the sodas.
I wondered what this spread would say about me?
I think it would say , "she's pretentious" yet she scratches her own butt.

Three feet of trouble.

Our son was unhappy with the quality of care that I provide.

He bumped his head and requested a band-aid

but there was no blood so I wouldn't accommodate him.

As you can see he took the matter into his own hands.

At least his cat is pretty supportive.

It's my birthday !!

I asked my blog administrator , "who's your favorite person on the planet?"
Think carefully because there are over 6 billion of us.
He said, "myself"
Oh, no wrong answer, it's me, me, me, me , me!!!

(said in a melodic tone)

I hate Chuck.

(Some refer to him as Up-Chuck)

I think of Chuck E. Cheese playrooms as a casino for little people. It's a place that has whirling screaming machines, and loud music with lots of mesmerizing blinking lights. The kids are all hopped up on candy, birthday cake, and soda and every surface from the floor to 4-1/2 feet high is either sticky, or coated in some sort of an unidentifiable kid slime - a natural by product of children.
My son was given a cup of machine tokens and he quickly discovered with the "Skee-ball" machine that tickets would pop out of it according to how many points he was able to rack up and with those tickets he could redeem them for even more CANDY ,or for "toy-lets" ( small worthless crappy toys made in China that were manufactured from toxic plastic sludge and or lead waste products which always ends up in the kids mouth) and all of this means that there's more crap for their mothers to pick up so that moms can become discouraged and question their own self worth.

While I waited on my son I ordered a pizza for myself . It said on the menu that it was a six slice personal pizza for $4.99. I thought to myself , "well I can't eat six slices, but I can take the leftovers home to my other children". After about 45 minutes they brought out my pizza and the slices were the size of triangular "Doritos" tortilla chips.

I polished it off in no time while the children attending the birthday party were able to play in front of a video camera that would televise their activities upon a handful of huge televisions screens positioned throughout the building. I saw this six year old boy in front of the camera and as he was facing backwards he began to dance and grind with his butt , though fully clothed , he was slapping his butt and rotating his hips kinda like something Beyonce or J.Lo would do. I was speechless and I couldn't help but to ponder where he learned that kind of a move. I wondered if his parent all red faced and apologetic would rush to the stage area to stop him, but no such luck.
Then I wondered to myself if I would be able to duplicate that move for my blog administrator then I realized that it would be impossible

because I'm a very , very white girl and I move like Al Gore.

*******
Sixty-five years of television hasn't been good for our children.

Please pray for our son who is wrestling with a swine.

His temperature has been around 102' and 103'. He isn't cranky ,but it has slowed him down. I pray that it doesn't turn into pneumonia. I am going out to buy him a decongestant and some popsicles cause I love how they stain my bedding.

Whistle while you work...... Okay ?

My son has learned how to whistle and of course he's whistling everywhere and he's driving me nuts with his new found talent. Here's a picture of me as I was contemplating his whistling and my sins which I think about continuously...

And to think that my son could have been like Roger. Who by the way doesn't even need back up dancers.

So what have I learned about myself this week? I'm a fun sucker and I squelch real talent when I see it.... My poor children.

Dear Mr.Williams, I couldn't agree with you more about Obama.

Say, if you ever need a back up dancer I can walk real fast too. I have references , just ask Bobby Sherman. I can borrow my daughter Kate's "bumpit" for my hair and some PANTS , then I'll be all set.


And since your still reading my blog post I wanna talk to you about another one of your videos. You may remember the one I'm posting about, it's similar to those late night commercials on TV where the hot young chick is asking old geezers to call for a free confidential chat for the first 10 minutes.
Now , you know when creepers call those phone numbers that the blazing hot women that they think they are speaking with , and who would never give them the time of day in real life aren't the actual women from television. The real women on the other end of the phone are the kind of women that no one wants to sit next to on public transportation yet men don't mind schmoozing with 'em over the phone. Anyway I think that your confusing lust with love , unfortunately many people do.



Besides your like 110 years old so knock it off and if that girl in the video calls back tell her that I would like to speak with her mother and if you need any "elder aid" products let me know, my kid loves those time savers and we have enough of them to go around.

Giving your children everything that they want doesn't produce "better people".

Feeling the pain of want and learning how to deal with those feelings it isn't a bad thing. Besides children will have to learn this at some point in their lives anyway. It's best to learn it from their mothers and while they're still young.

Today as I was doing a job for Catholic charities, I spotted a new friend of mine waiting for food. I smiled at her when her eyes met mine as she welled up with *tears. I hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek and said that I was glad to see her there and that her situation was only temporary and that when her family gets back on their feet they too would be able to help someone else who comes in requesting food. I said that everything would be okay. Then she began to sob. I told her that I was proud of her for living her faith and that I know that those faith decisions often bring about much suffering. She has ten kids and she had also mentioned to me that she felt guilty that most of her kids weren't in sports and other after school activities. I said to her, "you know you deserve to have a life too and you're under no obligation to make sure that each child is in an activity and there are no laws that say that kids must be and do everything.Besides they have a full life ahead of them. Teach them that they can learn and discover new things when they get older and that they can learn whatever they desire when they get a car and a job."
We can't compete with Mom's who only have two children by choice. We physically can't be in that many places at once and as I said before we Moms deserve to have a life too. I told her to stop feeling guilty and stop feeling like your short changing your children after all you gave them life and many moms refuse to do even that for their children.

* Yes, I generally do make people cry when I speak to them and take this to heart ~ birth control is demonic.

What's really scary is how much money I spend on dairy products.

Say, would you alien boys mind dropping off one of those cows in my back yard? But check first to make sure that it's a dairy cow. You may have to flip it over. Thanks !

Electrolyte slushies for everybody !!

A swine has just flown in.

But I don't think it's the actual swine , but more of a generic pig.

He's been here for about four days now , but worse yet are the nights.

Four very long nights.

On the first night Poor Maria pulled an all - nighter.

She had nausea with no fever and she's tired of throwing up.

She was crying yesterday because she couldn't stand to lay around and watch anymore television. (Who could blame her ?)

I've quarantined them and disinfected everything in the house at least twice.

Prayers would be welcomed and I would also welcome a long nap

and maybe some fine quality snacks.

Rabies never looked so nasty.

This morning bright and early I took out the trash that I had forgotten about last night and to my surprise there were two opossums in my trash can (one is hiding under some trash) and I nearly had a coronary. Fortunately my animal control officer was home and he pushed over the cans so that they could escape. Our daughter Grace said , " dad , don't hurt him, and Joseph said, "dad let's keep him! " "Can I keep him please , PLEASE ?" I wanted a pet for my birthday anyway! I said to my animal control officer , "well there's a viable option , a free birthday gift and it requires no vaccines or veterinary services. We wont have to feed it either because it feasts upon our garbage and if it doesn't work out there's always opossum stew." It's another win- win for me and child services never has to know.

To my beloved children whom I adore.

Last week I was questioned by my Dr.Spock ( the child advisor Spock not the pointy eared logical Spock) as to why I was getting rid of yet another child's toy and he asked me , "are you not going to keep anything from your children's childhood?"

I replied, "no nothing , not a single solitary thing." "I carry the children in my heart but I don't have room for their things." In fact I am not emotionally attached to any of their things excluding some of their art work which I thoroughly enjoy.

I have tripped over too many children's rocking chairs in the middle of the night and

I've teared up from the excruciating pain of stepping on a rainbow of LEGOs

and hacked up Barbies from beauty school wannabes.

I've deconstructed a dizzying array of Lincoln log forts encamped for weeks upon my tables readied for battles that never came.

I've ate my way through countless nauseating Mc Meals to acquire a tote full of Mc Toys and now I would rather Mc Starve than ever eat there again and the toys are overflowing.

Now , when I see a Hot wheel car I drive it to the trash and park it there. I figure at least I will never have to pick this one up again.

I've operated on my fair share of talking toys having removed their voice boxes hidden deep within.

I have hidden flutes ,buzzers ,bells , whistles, and batteries.

And when a conflict over children's craft projects would arise I would tell the kids things like

" State Law prohibits" this or that . For example "State Law" prohibits child craft projects that don't fit properly in boxes so you must give all that you make away due to storage safety issues. Yeah , I know it doesn't make any sense but when your say ....., ten years old and someone throws some " STATE LAWS" in your face you listen and then you also begin to hate "law makers." Oh, you should hear my little ones complain about government laws. hahahahaha

I don't want anyone to have hurt feelings, ( God knows the counseling fees would cost us a fortune ) but I refuse to be burdened with the things that you don't really want because if you wanted these things then you would have taken them by now and yet you can't expect for me to treasure the things that you do not. It's not going to happen. I am not bitter nor am I angry but I am tired and I want to move on too. I don't want to live in your childhood shrine for the rest of my days. (I would like a hot tub with my life guard on duty but the sandbox turtle with the Tonka trucks are in the way ) And even though I love you dearly I still want you to come and get your crap .

I bet they had a room full of toys to choose from , but they went for the paint anyway....Poor parents !

On those rare occasions when stuff like this happens I always blame myself.

This is what happens when Mom' s try to relax , or "check out" for a while.

At least this Mom has some nice foot prints for the baby books.

Nice stuff +naughty children = broken things

Which means very often you have to choose between the two - children or things,

and children most often end up as the losers.

As my children kick my life support cord from the wall socket. I will hear them hum... "Drop kick me Jesus."

*Disclaimer...Some of my children get really mad when I post stuff like this. Hey, it's just a joke.

My blog administrator said that I needed a cell phone during a family meeting.
I said, "I don't need a phone!" and three of our children yelled back at the same time, "yes you do!" The new phone has a GPS device so the older kids , and my blog administrator know where I am at all times.
I may have to act out or rebel. That's a very long umbilical cord. One adult child calls me at least twice a day, and she lives with me.

I get yelled at when I don't answer the phone, and they expect me to drop everything to answer their calls.
By the way while I was on vacation I could read our blogs over my phone, but when I tried to blog from my bed at home the phone said that I was roaming.